Two days ago, I met two charming ladies who had one thing in common- they both had a Love-Marriage and their spouses belong to different Religions.
I feel Inter-Religion Love-Marriages are a bit uncommon in Eastern India. But, then times are changing...
I got chatting with the pretty ladies and yesterday, I took their permission if I could quote & publish about them in my Blog. They heartily gave their consent!
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Ms. Tania Wazid Podder (TWP) is the daughter of a Hindu Mom & a Muslim Father. Her parents had never forced her to adopt a particular religion. TWP is married to Mr. Abir Kumar Podder, a Bengali Hindu.
Ms. Sraboni Dan Menezes (SDM) is the daughter of Bengali Hindu parents. SDM is married to Mr. Jeffrey Menezes, a Goan Christian Musician. Even today her parents can't pronounce her hubby's surname.
Both TWP & SDM got married by the Special Marriage Act.
Q) Where did you meet your spouse?
TWP- At College
SDM- At workplace. We were 20 years old then.
Q) When did you realize that you are in love?
TWP- After 5-6 months. He was a good friend first. Then, we had a 7 years long courtship.
SDM- After 1 year. We had a 4 years long courtship.
Q) What did your parents say when you informed them?
TWP- They were not agreeing. We just had one year age gap. They were worried for our career and education. As I am a product of a mixed marriage myself, they were concerned about our future.
SDM- They were shocked. They didn't want me to get married outside my community & religion. They tried to change my mind. Later, they gave support when they saw that my mind was made up. As mine is a conservative family, they were embarrassed.
Q) How did you feel after getting married?
TWP- In Seventh Heaven! My in-laws were very caring. My parents did not attend our marriage. My school supported me. My great mother-in-law had reservations & had put restrictions on me initially. But, later, she gave her blessings & expressed 'Tui Amar Kacher Log' (You are my closest)!
SDM- I knew that I was breaking the rules. My parents organized the wedding. External pressure is always there that tells in the marriage.
Q) Have you watched the movie- 2 States?
TWP- Yes!
SDM- Yes! I could totally identify with it as the movie has a lot of resemblance with my life- the wedding scene, even my dad made my hubby wear the dhoti, conversations between my mother and my mother-in-law...
Q) What religion do you follow at home as a family?
TWP- We follow the Hindu religion. I do Puja. I am a devotee of Lord Krishna.
SDM- We have given up religion. We have pictures of both Hindu & Christian Gods side by side. we celebrate all the festivals. We do not pressurize our kids.
Q) What is your opinion about Inter-Religion Marriage?
TWP- Should be more prevalent. Then, people will be more liberal.
SDM- Whether it is Inter-Religion/Community/State, marriage is a compromise as everything is different- eating habits, dressing habits etc.
Q) What tips would you give to couples contemplating Inter-Religion Marriage?
TWP- Be liberal & understand your partner. Keep space for yourself and give space.
SDM- Be prepared for lots of compromises. Be extremely liberal. Keep in mind that the child gets father's name and religion automatically.
Thanks Tania & Sraboni for sharing your views! It was wonderful meeting you & talking to you!
----x----
I had shared this post about Inter-Religion Marriage after interviewing as above.
I am now submitting the same for IndiSpire.
Marriage is a sacred relationship that is based on love, honesty, trust, faith, understanding, tolerance, devotion, commitment... and lots more.
It is true that Inter-Religion Marriage is taboo.
But, even love-marriages of the same Religion find opposition & arranged-marriages of couples belonging to the same Religion do not work out...
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I feel that Inter-Religion Marriages need extra care & attention. If the couple truly loves and promises to be together & face the world, then only the couple should go for it.
What matters in marriage is how much the partners are committed to make their marriage a success & whether they can COEXIST through thick and thin.
Religion No Bar...
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We are progressing and it's good to see such happy couples.
ReplyDeleteTrue Saru. May we progress and may there be happiness :)
DeleteI am totally 100% with it all.. BUT I dont think we are ready for it .. because I have seen so many problems that have arisen after that ..
ReplyDeleteAlthough I do wish the Religion on the Whole is ABOLISHED.. there should be NO religion .. each religion teaches us to be kind and treat fellow human beings as human YET the mojority people that are killed are killed in the name of Religion ..
HUMANKIND religion thats what we need .. simple .. if there are no hindu-no muslim - no sikh a million and one problems will go away
Bikram
Agree with you, Bikram.
DeleteAll Religions preach nice things, but look at the ground realities- wars, killings...
Like the Hindi Film-song goes- 'Tu Hindu banega na Musalmaan banega, Insaan ki aulad hai, Insaan banega'.
May we have good human-beings...
You again quoted from Bollywood :D
DeleteHaHa! I did, Anmol :D
DeleteOld habits die hard!
Quoting from another Hindi Movie Song's lyrics-
'Main Hoon Aadat Se Majboor!' :)
amen to that .. but the way things are going it feels we have lost the battle already .. hoping and praying for the best
DeleteBikram
Bikram, I join you for the prayers. May things be for the best of humankind...
Delete:)
DeleteHi Anita! It was fun talking to you. :) Sraboni
ReplyDeleteSo lovely to get your comment here, Sraboni :)
DeleteThanks for sharing. We had a wonderful time :)
Do keep visiting my Blog!
It's a beautiful post on the need for us to be more accepting and respectful of each other, irrespective of religious beliefs. I enjoyed reading the post and believe religion divide people since I've seen couple forcing each other to adapt one' religion. We should be more liberal and not impose anything on each other. By imposing, we impose our identity and we never grow as human beings. I was in a relationship with someone from a different religion and we broke up coz of extreme religious beliefs from both sides. It took me a long time to get out of it. There is only one religion, humanity:)
ReplyDeleteVery well-said, Vishal. Totally agree :)
DeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts & experience.
Thanks for sharing this Lovely experience..
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ananyatales.com
Thanks for reading, Ananya :)
DeleteReligion is just imagination imposed ! nothing else .;. it was nice reading those experiences :)
ReplyDeleteTrue Ankur. What started out for human benefit, later turned rigid & the way it's now.
DeleteThanks :)
I wish there were more such marriages. The religious distinctions would stop being such a big issue, then. :)
ReplyDeleteVery true. That's right :)
Deletenice post. loved it. But you know people are not really ready for it. I don't know how it can be changed. all we can do is hope...
ReplyDeleteThanks Nabanita.
DeleteYes, things are changing now. We get to hear/see more of these now. I am sure the number of such marriages will increase in the future...
While metros have opened up a lot to the concept of inter religion marriages, other parts of the country need to open up their eyes...
ReplyDeleteYes, Shaivi. Very true.
DeleteThe key is acceptance.
Agree with your final thoughts cent percent. Only if the couple is willing to make it success, then only they should take their first step coz there are a lot of hurdles to be faced.
ReplyDeleteThanks Anmol. Yes, trye.
DeleteMarriage, that too Inter-Religion Marriage, is tough with many hurdles.
That's true even for people from same Religions...
It is up to the Couple.
Right :)
Delete*true* :)
DeleteBeautifully written..
ReplyDeletefrom Old friend
New follower :)
Thank you so much!
DeleteSuch an honor, Ananya :)
I am a tamilian married to a konkani and being the eldest daughter with 2 more following it was a tough fight to convince even though we are Brahmins....but the difficult part was that my husband is 2.5yrs younger to me...those times we only knew Sachin Tendulkar to attempt that :) but we did and my parents can't brag about their son in law any more....My last sis she got married recently to a Christian boy....it took 2 or more years for parents to even get to agree....Coming from a very very pious family and Brahmin and an ardent follower of RSS (Hindu), it was extremly a difficult one for my parents...but eventually we sisters "tried" to convince and agree for the wedding...they got married here in the States but my parents only attended the court wedding and reception they avoided church ceremony and we honoured and respected that....as sisters we stood by her side in the church wedding....But the interesting thing is....my parents have know the groom from her college days.....(of course their love for each other bloomed only in the last 3 years not since they met)...and my parents have several times appreciated how nice of a boy he is and so helpful and generous and genuine he is....so afterall religion did matter a lot to them despite knowing much about the boy....Like you said....it is difficult for this institution to coexist if the tiff continues...if only they find a happy medium and be happy for the couple...
ReplyDeleteVidhya! Thanks for feeling my Blog is worthy enough for you to share such a touching slice of your life.
DeleteGrateful that you honored me so.
Your comment & real-life experience & stories have enriched this Post.
Thanks a lot.
So glad to learn more about you & your sis.
Stay blessed :)
Thanks for the post sweety...I guess I unleashed a bit over ...sorry if I hijaked your space
ReplyDeleteNo sorry business, Vidhya! I am so grateful that you have shared... Thanks :)
DeletePlease, you are most welcome to hijack the space! Open invitation :)
This is such a welcome post. Felt really happy knowing these happy couples.
ReplyDeleteThanks Indrani for your appreciation!
DeleteEven I felt very delighted to meet these two ladies; thus, I wrote the post :)
We surely are progressing , lets hope the society as a whole grows up and allows the openness
ReplyDeleteAmen Rahul.
DeleteCan't agree more...
Thanks Anita for sharing real stories. Real stories are always inspirational. :-)
ReplyDeleteMy pleasure, Ravish :) Thanks for reading.
DeleteYes, real stories are touching & inspirational.
I liked the way you presented the article with real life interview to substantiate your thought process.
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot, Chaitali. So glad it appealed to you :)
DeleteA real positive interview and a real good post.
ReplyDeleteMy Mom was shocked when she heard i am planning to marry a bengali. Well all their life they had thought that I will go for an Inter Caste Marriage or an Inter Religion marriage.
Though I had a marriage in the same Religion and linguistic region. I faced the culture shock as been outside kolkata i grew up culturally different.
My conclusion out of this marriages always need that extra care. Great Post Anita
Thanks Datta for such kind words :)
DeleteNice that you shared your experience.
We may be married to a person of the same Religion, Caste, State, Country...& everyone may say that we have the perfect match, still it is up to us to make our marriage a success :)
Inter-Religion Marriages require extra hard-work & care...
Very nice post Anita, i really liked the interview questions. I liked the choice of topic as well. I think love is the common religion and a binding factor, if there is love in a relationship everything else can be easily accepted.
ReplyDeleteThanks Shweta :)
DeleteI agree that love makes everything right.
Awesome post Anita, hope someday you will also discuss my story :) When I will publish my novel on our story, you will definitely like it.
ReplyDeleteWow! Alok! Looking forward to your story! Best wishes to you to publish your novel ASAP!
DeleteNice job done Anita...great to know about such successful marriage and happy couples... :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Mani :)
DeleteMay all be happy. That's what life is about...
Great, Anita. You've done a wonderful service by bringing this to readers. There should be a lot of inter-religious marriages, I think, so that there will be more communal harmony in the country.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sir.
DeleteI felt I had to share the story of the happily married couples. Love makes everything possible.
Very true, Sir. We wish communal harmony & such marriages do ensure people are more liberal & accepting...
Yup! The main thing about inter-religious OR inter-community marriages is that the need for compromises will be a lot more than otherwise, since customs and habits are likely to be different. India is still a family-oriented culture and, in the circumstances, willingness to be open to compromise will be a prime requisite.
ReplyDeleteTotally agree, Sureshji.
DeleteCompromise and acceptance of customs & habits... Tight-rope walking.
One point where I disagree is where you say that inter-religion marriages are taboo. No, I don't think they are taboo anywhere because for something to be taboo, it has to be scripted somewhere. No religious manuscript has scripted inter-religion marriage as a taboo act.
ReplyDeleteThey are just socially unacceptable, not taboo. That's what I think...
Welcome to my Blog, Siddharth.
DeleteThanks for sharing your feedback.
The meaning of the word- Taboo is "socially unacceptable" :)
Evident from as follows:
Taboo
noun
1.
a social or religious custom prohibiting or restricting a particular practice or forbidding association with a particular person, place, or thing.
"many taboos have developed around physical exposure"
synonyms: prohibition, proscription, veto, interdiction, interdict, ban, restriction, boycott, non-acceptance, anathema More
"the taboo against healing on the sabbath"
antonyms: acceptance, encouragement
a practice that is prohibited or restricted by social or religious custom.
"speaking about sex is a taboo in his country"
adjective
1.
prohibited or restricted by social custom.
"sex was a taboo subject"
synonyms: forbidden, prohibited, banned, proscribed, vetoed, ruled out, interdicted, outlawed, not permitted, not allowed, illegal, illicit, unlawful, impermissible, not acceptable, restricted, frowned on, beyond the pale, off limits, out of bounds; More
I thinks parents are changing nowdays ... from love vs arng mrg ... then caste no bar phase ....now they are slowly progressing to religion - no bar phase ... and to live -in relationship phase ;)
ReplyDeleteVery true. Totally agree with you!
DeleteWe are in the process of evolution!
Thanks for sharing this, Swati!
Good to see they are happy.
ReplyDeleteYou write well as usual.
Liked reading it.
:)
Thanks Lancelot :)
DeleteGreat to hear from you!
Nice post Anita-it is heartening to read such accounts.
ReplyDeleteThanks Induji :) Yes, it's lovely to come across such examples.
DeleteI liked the banner in the end. That said, I liked the rest too :D Yup! I would like to add, be it any bond or marriage, 'love and trust' are the foundations. The true essence though is disappearing and on a major scale is being mixed up with the fight terming 'free thoughts'. And, then the break ups. (Couples perspective, hope it isn't completely off topic now)
ReplyDeleteThanks Shanx :)
DeleteEven I loved that sign-post! So used it :)
True. Love, honesty & trust are very important for any marriage. Inter-religion ones need extra attention.
Not off-topic as couples need to be aware & careful & do the balancing-act together so as to avoid break-ups...
Happing ending is always welcome , whether in life or bollywood movies ;) ...nice post ...Loved it !
ReplyDeleteWelcome to my Blog, Julekha :)
DeleteThanks for posting this topic for IndiSpire :)
Very true! May we all have happy endings always & may we all be happy...religion no bar!
Thanks for your appreciation!
Nice post. I myself am a product of mixed marriage, My father is a Hindu and my mother a Syrian christian from Kerala. But its quite rare even today to come across such mixed or inter religion marriages.
ReplyDeleteThanks Nima for sharing your story. This is such an inspiration. Hope Inter-Religion Marriages are happy...
Deletesimply superb Anita..!!
ReplyDeleteWelcome to my Blog, Sankeerth :)
DeleteThanks! Glad you liked it.
good to hear about such couples but I have seen and heard horrifying incidents about such marriages,
ReplyDeleteHindi Hain Hum
Good to read about these 2 couples whose parents appear to have accepted their decision without strong opposition, emotional blackmail, insistence on conversion, etc., etc..
ReplyDelete